The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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