We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
