is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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