Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
