True but thats because hes a fetus.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
