I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
