The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
