This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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