Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
