Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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