So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize