We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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