Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
vagina is talking i cant
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
