Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
