All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
