I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
