Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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