I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
