just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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