Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
