the condom got lost in my hair
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
