I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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