That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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