My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
