I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
