1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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