I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
