i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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