Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize