Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
