I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
