Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Randomize
