I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
