Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
