Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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