Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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