he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize