party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
