she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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