if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
