Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
