oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
