How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
