I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize