what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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