We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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