Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
