I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
