Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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