You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
