Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need to align my fucking chakras
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
