Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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