im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize