No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
