Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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