i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
