I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
