fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
