I think i peed on brittanys purse
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Pooping to opera.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
