This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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