I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize