this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
