it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
