your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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