my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
