she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
