Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
