just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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