I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
