Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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