So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
