the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize