Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
