no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
