watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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