Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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