we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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