I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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