just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
